Jane says that sometimes lesbians miss men’s hairy bosom and their “magic wand”, and that “I feel like a man” is not foreign to the beginning or experienced lesbian. In a revealing personal column for KizzTV, she tries to figure out what it actually means if occasionally some lesbians crave men
Petra and Kika
“I do not rule out being with a man” – a sentence I have said more than once and a sentence I’ve heard more than once. When I said goodbye to my guitar, I recited at the top of my voice: ” My chapter is with women is over, and from now on I’m only interested in men.” Needless to say, it sounds as reliable as any word Trump. But at the time, under the rubble of my soul, I believed it was exactly what I wanted and more than that I knew it was exactly what my family wanted and where I was, shapeless amoeba and 26-year soul, it was easy to adapt myself to the wishes of others than to my real ones.
Because that’s how it is, when we lose a real grip on our fragile mind, we are all constantly looking for an anchor, one that will ground us in the storm. We all cry for silence even if we tie it to something that does not really exist. In a disturbing way, the “silence” I was looking for at the time of the crisis was rooted in being a good girl, so this option of being with a man, even if it was only a statement into empty space, gave me industrial quiet. At that time, a man represented the “normal life” , the “normal family”, and the “normal self” whose life is probably not on the verge of collapse.
We spend a lot of time trying to figure out who we are and what we really want, and just in those places where we look like Mr. Flexible, we stretch in all directions, examine everything and ask for answers to all those question marks, so the phrase “I want men” is not a foreign sentence for the beginning lesbian Or the experienced one. Just saying those words makes us feel that we are not a lost cause and that we have another chance of being saved from the fire of hell, at least that’s how I felt then.
Before some of us fall from the fence to a certain side, we are in between. Between what we feel and what is expected of us mainly. So, we do not rule out and do not deny and do not pretend to know what will happen. “Everything is open” This is an accurate statement to those who understand that alongside this we have the ability and perhaps even the duty to direct something, to be accurate, what we want, what is right for us, who we are. Then and only then, really what will be and what should happen happen. The deterministic approach, the one that absolves us of taking responsibility for ourselves and throwing everything at fate, is mainly an attitude of cowards, cowards for a moment or cowards over time. It is always easier to convey a warranty wrapped in a film than to adopt it for you. It is always easier to please the mother who asks you not to rule out the possibility of being with a man, it is always easier to recite normative mantras than to do housekeeping.
When he offered to come over, I did not rule out the possibility that we would have sex, because what was uis love and what is sex? Sometimes we miss the man’s hairy bosom and his magic wand anatomically adapted to our bodies, sometimes it is a physical need that has no depth or essence. There are many couples of lesbians who allow a “masculine celebration” once in a while. Recognizing this sexual and physical need, there are those who find satisfaction in the stratapon silicone, some of whom are threatening and disturbing them at the same time and those who do not interest them.
Sometimes I define myself as bisexual, because there is something in the male body that does this to me alongside something in the feminine soul that fascinates me. Between each of my relationships with a woman, I was with a man. I believe that bisexuality exists but is unbalanced, there is always a more dominant, and more present side. “I feel like a man” It’s a repetition and I have heard it from more than a few of my girlfriends and acquaintances, mostly in moments of carnivorousness or moments when their partner got on all the nerves and drama at home.
Sometimes I have the feeling that we are obligated to match with amazing precision all of the existing definitions; “So what are you? Are you a lesbian? Are you straight? Are you bisexual? Are you just curious?” You’ll be surprised, but these questions are not only asked at a round table of uncles and aunts but also in the LGBT community, where we are asked to define ourselves and adapt ourselves to one of the many niches, as if we were haute couture dresses on Kim Kardashian’s bottom.
Maybe in a few years when being gay or lesbian or all the definitions that come out, will not raise so many eyebrows and wondering, and ask “if she marries a man or woman” will be a legitimate and fundamental question, maybe then we can relax our hands a bit of the axioms. Whether “I feel like a man” is said in a moment of carnality or “I do not exclude men” comes from the desire to get some peace of mind, so what?